Rambling
by Howling Dragon 24
Summary: When a formerschizophrenic gets slightly drunk, he rambles to a certain pyromaniac. [pointless AxelRiku]


Sighing, Riku stumbled out off the small building and onto the beach, staring idly at the moonlit beach. Even though the party was still going on, he had no intention of watching his two best friends make out unashamedly in the middle of a dance floor.

"Ugh…" he muttered quietly. "I should have never agreed to go to this stupid party…"

"And why not?" a random stranger, probably some half-wasted dude who attended the party, asked back.

"It's completely stupid." Riku replied. "More insane than the insanity of my life…"

"Hey, your life can't be that bad," the person spoke. "Was probably better than mines."

"Are you kidding?" Riku muttered, glancing without registering in his brain the hooded man sitting beside him. "My life was freaking crazy! I don't even think I'm sane anymore."

"Oh, really now?" He sounded amused. "Feel like sharing? I have plenty of time to kill."

"Hmph. It all started back a really long time ago." Riku spilled, talking about from his meeting with Sora, to the discovery of the Secret Place and Kairi…. He didn't even know why he was opening his heart to this random stranger. It wasn't the punch he had at the party though. Definitely not.

"…and after I let myself believe the words of that pedophilic idiot, he took over my body and made me wear a skirt! And high heels! Totally ruined my image, then he made me drop down from a height in front of my best friend that I secretly loved wearing that skirt and—" At this point, Riku seemed to be rather flushed. "My _god_, he would have seen everything if it weren't for that suffocatingly tight piece of clothing that hugged my every curve…"

"Someone was sex deprived…" The hooded stranger mumbled.

"—And then I locked myself behind a door that can't be opened. I woke up listening to some bondage freak and his disciple who stole his name talking to me, decided to repent my sins only to have a pervert constantly chase me and say suggestive lines every chance he got! Then I had to fight another me who _was_ wearing the high heels and skirt—"

—Riku's listener choked on a particular memory involving a lot of heat and a clone of a particular rambling and probably slightly drunk teenager—

"—And then I had someone tell me I was a hypocrite! Not to mention I actually smelled _myself_ before a bunch of that, then told a girl that I smelled _her_ too. Then I went to fight Mr. Stalker, and after that spent a night in that freaky castle to meet this awesome pyromaniac who saved me the trouble of mugging robes from the Organization."

At this point, the stranger sitting beside Riku let off a silly smile, but Riku in his babbling stupor didn't notice.

"So I traveled with a talking mouse, fought half of my best friend and lived with half of my other best friend, and forgot about that handsome pyro until he showed up again, but by then I looked like that perverted _freak_ who _wouldn't leave me the hell alone_, so I never said anything until half of my other best friend brought me to him again on the beach and we decided to attempt making a trade…"

"So you were him….?" The cloaked murmured veeeery quietly.

"…And I traveled around the worlds stalking my no-longer-crushed-on best friend while having a lunatic being the proof of my schizophrenia, acting like I'm emo, then regaining my original form to act gay with my best friend and having him grab my ass, then crashing down back here thanks to a stupid piece of paper, and now my two best friends go around being sex machines every 3 hours everywhere they go! And as if that wasn't bad enough, they've tried dragging me into threesomes!"

Suddenly his audience burst out laughing non-stop, just rolling around the sand like someone who had laughing gas.

"What's so funny!" Riku cried out indignantly. "I'd rather have hot, wild sex with a certain someone instead of those two!"

Snickering, the stranger curiously posed another question, "And who would that be?"

"The pyromaniac…"

"Oh yeah?"

"….Yeah."

Finally, the 'Stranger' flipped off his hood. "Last time I checked, I'm one of the only pyromaniacs wearing black robes. Got it memorized?"

Although surprised, Riku gazed almost softly at someone who should have been dead. "Yeah…I had you memorized a long time ago…"

"Good, then." Axel grinned, holding out a hand. "Now, lets go have that hot, wild sex you were talking about earlier."

And with a devilish grin, Riku took Axel's hand. Those two got very little sleep that night.


End file.
